Brotherly Love


Love Defined

The basic concepts in every field of learning—"point" and "line" in geometry, "life" in biology, "energy" in physics, and "beauty" in art—cannot be defined, although even the unlearned know approximately what they mean. Another concept of the same kind is "love." It is simply a given part of life. We can tell many things about it—its causes and effects, for example. We can classify it as an emotion and distinguish it from other emotions by saying that it produces a desire for intimate knowledge. Yet such a definition, though properly analytical, fails to touch the meaningful core of the experience we call love.


Four Faces of Love

C. S. Lewis wrote a famous book entitled The Four Loves, which discusses the different kinds of love that can exist between one person and another. Each kind corresponds to a different word in Greek.

  1. Romantic love. Curiously, the Greek word for romantic love, eros, is missing from the New Testament. Perhaps God chose not to use it, lest He confer validity on a faulty concept of love. The word implies that the binding force between lovers must be essentially different from other kinds of love, whereas the New Testament identifies true marital love as agape (Eph. 5:25), the same kind that prompted God to give His Son for our salvation (John 3:16). Although sex and romance are a normal and legitimate part of marriage, marital love should be no less than the highest form of love. Any attraction or fondness between man and woman that is not, or is not developing into, agape is not love at all. It is simply lust. To denote lust, the New Testament uses the word epithumia, translated "lust" (e.g., 2 Tim. 2:22) or "concupiscence" (e.g., 1 Thess. 4:5).
  2. Natural affection. The Greek word storge refers to the natural warmth that unites members of the same family. An interesting feature of natural affection is that it can be easily stretched beyond the human race to include pet animals, favorite possessions, one's home and hometown and home territory, and even one's homeland. The New Testament does not command storge. There is no need to command it because it arises naturally in normal human experience. The New Testament does not even use the word, except for two occurrences of the negative form, astorgos, translated "without natural affection" (Rom. 1:31; 2 Tim. 3:3). The texts employing astorgos treat it as a sign of extreme depravity.
  3. Friendship. The Greek word for love between friends is philia. This is the kind of love that is based on commonality—that develops when people see each other as equals in some sense, perhaps through sharing the same values or interests or objectives. Although the noun form of philia is rare in the New Testament, the verb form appears frequently. It is used with reference to the love that exists between the Father and the Son (John 5:20), the love that the Father has for all men (John 16:27), the love that Christ had for an individual (John 11:3), the love that an individual had for Christ (John 21:15), and the love that binds Christian brothers (Tit. 3:15).
  4. Charity. Agape, the word that the New Testament ordinarily uses to denote love, has no close equivalent in English. When the KJV was produced, "charity" was a good translation, but this word has lost its original meaning, and now refers only to the sort of condescending attitude that may accompany good works on behalf of the poor. The meaning of agape is much deeper and more profound. It is fruitless to look for its meaning outside the New Testament, because it scarcely appears in earlier Greek literature. The word in the special sense it has for Christians is virtually an invention of the New Testament. Certain key texts give the essence of agape in its highest form.
    1. It is unselfish. Because God loved the world with agape, He gave His Son to die for the sins of mankind (John 3:16). He gave what was most valuable to Himself to those who deserved nothing and who were powerless to do anything for Him. This act of love, being wholly untarnished by selfishness, serves as the supreme example of agape. When describing agape, the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, says that it "vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, . . . , seeketh not her own" (1 Cor. 13:4-5). Whereas every other form of love requires something from its object, agape requires nothing, neither beauty, nor sameness of blood, nor sameness of mind.
    2. It is all-consuming. The first and greatest commandment is that we love God with agape (Matt. 22:37-8) and that we draw upon the resources of our whole being to make this love as intense as possible. Perfect agape must therefore be all-consuming.
    3. It is indestructible. The second greatest commandment is that we love our neighbor as ourselves (Matt. 22:39). Again, the requisite love is agape. How do we love ourselves? Self-love is innate and permanent (Eph. 5:29). Nothing can remove it. Likewise, nothing can overthrow true love, of the kind called agape. According to the love chapter, agape "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth" (1 Cor. 13:7-8).


The Essence of the Law

The Bible teaches that the two commandments just mentioned, the two greatest, make all other divine commandments superfluous (Rom. 13:8-10). Though we never heard of the Ten Commandments, for example, we would keep them all just by loving God and our neighbor. We would not affront God by worshipping an idol. We would not harm our neighbor by taking his life, his wife, or his property. Yet we should not imagine that love involves no more than keeping the Ten Commandments. Each of these merely prohibits the most extreme violation of a positive duty incumbent upon true love. It will therefore be profitable to our understanding of love if we enlarge each commandment to include the positive duty as well as the prohibition.

The first five commandments warn us against offenses contrary to loving God (Ex. 20:2-12).

The last five commandments warn us against offenses contrary to loving our neighbor (Ex. 20:13-7).


Brotherly Love

The love we are required to have for our brothers in Christ is no different in quantity or kind than the love we should show to all men. But the Bible, recognizing that our social life will center on the church, gives special attention to brotherly love, offering many practical hints on how to maintain a loving atmosphere among believers. The hints fall in two categories: warnings and promptings.

Warnings: The New Testament sternly warns against three kinds of sin within the body of Christ. These are especially dangerous because they may cause wounds that heal slowly or never at all. The damage they do to the fabric of the church may be irreparable.

  1. Lying (Col. 3:9; Eph. 4:25). It is not necessarily difficult to forgive a brother for lying. But we know from experience that someone who lies is probably a habitual liar. Therefore, when a brother lies to others in the church, it may take years before they regain confidence in his word. The offense is serious, because mutual trust is the backbone of harmony and cooperation.
  2. Sexual immorality. The New Testament repeatedly insists on purity within the church (1 Tim. 5:1-2; 1:5; 1 Pet. 1:22; 1 John 3:3). It says that immorality should "not be once named among you, as becometh saints" (Eph. 5:3). In other words, the standard of purity should be so high among believers that no reasonable person would even suspect them of immorality. Immorality is a grave offense for many reasons. One is that it may create a victim (a cheated spouse perhaps, or an exploited young person) who then boils with desire for retribution. To forgive such an offense is extremely difficult (Prov. 6:32-5). It may require more love than the victim is capable of. Therefore, immorality within a church can do irreversible harm. To deter this kind of sin, God threatens to avenge any victim (1 Thess. 4:3-6), giving us the impression that the judgment will be swift and severe, as it was with David. Such judgment may be the best way for God to release the victim from the ill effects of his experience.
  3. Wrath. Wrath is but a step from hatred, and hatred is the engine of murder. It is so harmful to the church that the Bible frequently warns against it (Eph. 4:31; Psa. 37:8; Eccles. 7:9; Gal. 5:20; Col. 3:8; James 1:19). Unjustified anger is another sin that God vows to judge (Matt. 5:21-2). The judgment may only be a leanness of soul (Psa. 106:15). On the outside the angry person may still look good, but on the inside he is shriveling up. The forms of wrath include bitterness, contention, and evil speaking. Evil speaking is using words to cut people down, whether to their face or behind their back. Contention is verbal conflict with a strong component of anger. Bitterness is anger seething below the surface. If it becomes chronic, it produces a sour, crabby person. The irony is that bitterness destroys self while it does nothing to harm the object of wrath. If the object is an actual enemy who has injured self, a reaction of bitterness gives the enemy another weapon, allowing him to compound the injury while escaping any penalty.

Promptings: Six expressions of brotherly love are especially important.

  1. Friendliness. It was customary in the early church for the saints to greet each other with a kiss (Rom. 16:16; 1 Cor. 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 Thess. 5:26; 1 Pet. 5:14). This was called a "holy kiss," to distinguish it from a kiss of carnal affection. Exactly what kind of kiss it was, we are not sure, although we are fairly certain that men kissed only men and women kissed only women. The number of times that New Testament writers urge a kiss of greeting shows that they regarded it as important. Paul was especially concerned that the custom not be neglected in the Corinthian church, which was torn by factional feuding. Yet any attempt to revive the custom today probably would not succeed. The cultural difference is too great. But the commandment remains in force. How can we satisfy it if we decline to kiss each other? The only way is to greet each other in a manner that is equally warm and affectionate. The minimum acceptable greeting is a cheerful hello. To make greetings a tool of some personal agenda—for showing who stands in favor and who stands out of favor, for instance—is inappropriate.
  2. Courtesy. The Greek word for "courteous" in 1 Peter 3:8 has much the same meaning as the English word. Its roots suggest the translation "thoughtful friendliness." To treat a brother with courtesy means to yield in his favor—to let him go first in line or take the better seat or go first through a door, for example. It means also to use the conventions of polite speech, such as "please," "thank you," "pardon me," "sir," and "ma'am." And it means to be a good listener. To be always monopolizing the conversation is rude and self-centered.
  3. Hospitality. Brotherly love should not stop at the church door. Your relationship with a brother will never reach below the surface until he spends time in your home and you spend time in his home. A conversation at church never extends beyond a few minutes. Outings and retreats furnish a greater opportunity for sharing, but the sharing generally occurs within a group. One-on-one fellowship requires hospitality. To see a man at home, in the private world he has created as a refuge from the world of public role-playing, is to see the real man. To talk to a man at home is to discover his true feelings. The New Testament underscores the importance of hospitality by marking it as an obligation of anyone who wishes to exercise leadership in the church (1 Tim. 3:2; Tit. 1:8). By implication, inviting guests into the home is an important tool of ministry that church leaders cannot afford to neglect. Yet hospitality is the duty of other believers also (Rom. 12:13; 1 Pet. 4:9). When Peter says "without grudging," he doubtless means that we should not grudge all the work necessary to be a good host or hostess.
  4. Kindness. Brotherly love is notable for its concern to please others and respect their feelings. The New Testament uses various terms to express this dimension of love, such as eusplanchnos ("tenderhearted" in Eph. 4:32), chrestos ("kind" in the same text), and chresteuomai ("kind" in 1 Cor. 13:4). Kindness requires empathy, which is both to understand how others feel and to care how they feel. Another term for empathy is "sensitivity."
  5. Sympathy. If we love our brothers in Christ, we will show concern when they are going through difficulties. The Bible urges us to visit the sick (Matt. 25:34-36), bear one another's burdens (Gal. 6:2), and share the sorrow of those who are grieving (Rom. 12:15). Moreover, it defines true religion by giving one outstanding example of brotherly love as well as one outstanding example of holiness (James 1:27). The former is visiting "the fatherless and widows in their affliction." No doubt the phrase is referring mainly to visits for the purpose of taking them material assistance. A widow in those days had no means of support outside her own family. Yet also within the compass of this phrase are visits for the purpose of showing sympathy and relieving loneliness.
  6. Help. If we simply look through the texts commanding us to supply the needs of a poor brother, we find that charity of this kind is the most basic and indispensable obligation of brotherly love (James 2:15-6; 1 John 3:17; Acts 20:35; Rom. 12:13; Gal. 6:10; Eph. 4:28; 1 Tim. 6:18; Heb. 13:16; Matt. 5:42; Lev. 25:35). From these texts we learn that charity is a special obligation of the rich and that brothers in Christ have first claim upon charity.


Excelling Love

Jesus said, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another" (John 13:35). The love that worldlings see in the church should be so distinctive and superior that they will recognize it as coming from God. Yet there are non-Christians who are friendly and courteous, who entertain freely in their homes, who perform good deeds, and who have caring and sympathetic hearts. What then is special about Christian love? In four respects Christian love can excel all other loves.

  1. Impartiality. Wherever people assemble outside the church, they form special interest groups and cliques. It is sad that cliques also spring up in the church. But God intends the church to be a place where all manner of people can mix together and yet no one becomes marginal, much less a misfit or an outcast; where there is neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, male nor female (Gal. 3:28); where any random selection of people is as happy in each other's company as any other random selection. Paul cautions us not to hobnob with the wealthy and important, but to give as much attention to little people (Rom. 12:16). James declares that it is a serious breach of love to offer a more enthusiastic welcome to the rich than to the poor (James 2:1-9). Our model of impartiality is God, who is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34).
  2. Fervency. When fully realized, Christian love is unique simply in its intensity of feeling (1 Pet. 1:22; 4:8). It emulates the ardent love that God has for His children (Jer. 31:3). Love between lovers or between close relatives or friends may reach such a high pitch of intensity that we would call it fervent. But to love someone fervently who just happens to come to the same church would be humanly impossible. Nothing approaching fervent love ordinarily appears within a club, a team, or any other social group similar to a church. It appears within a church by a miracle of God, showing the world that believers are His authorized representatives on the earth.
  3. Forgiveness. There are many nice people outside the church. But if you step on their toes hard enough, they will not easily forgive you. They will likely carry a grudge. The ability to forgive is one of the distinctive marks of a true Christian and sets Christian love apart from any natural love. Our example is Christ, who prayed that God would forgive the men crucifying Him (Luke 23:34). As the saying goes, "To err is human, but to forgive, divine."
  4. Self-sacrifice. Many natural loves are sacrificial. A mother will risk her own life to save her children. A lover will go through dark peril to save his beloved. But Christian love is greater than all others, because it accepts pain and loss to help those who give no love in return. A missionary takes the gospel to a foreign land, knowing that he may meet rejection, persecution, and death. Yet he goes because he wants to save souls from hell. Paul declared that he was willing to "spend and be spent" for the Corinthians, even though the more he loved them, the less they loved him (2 Cor. 12:15). Love of this kind, after the pattern of God's sacrificial love for our unworthy race, exists only among those who know God. It is a powerful testimony to the truth of Christianity.