Seven Essentials in Rearing Children for Christ Lesson 1: The Spiritual Life of the Family

The Bible compares our time to the days of Noah (Matt. 24:37-39), when the number of people faithful to God dwindled to only eight out of millions. The millions who turned away from God died in those awful moments when the rising waters of the great Flood swept them away. The eight who walked with God escaped the Flood by riding above the waters in a huge ark.

In our day also, we live on the verge of great judgment. God is about to vent His wrath upon all the wayward and defiant. Before judgment falls, Christ will come to take away the church. But what is the church doing? Is it so energized by the prospect of Christ's imminent return that it is advancing to claim great victories over the kingdom of darkness? No, it is in retreat. We see apostasy on every hand. Well-respected Christian organizations are abandoning old-fashioned convictions and adopting more liberal views. Young people from Christian homes and churches are drifting away from a safe harbor in the truth and becoming embroiled in godless lifestyles. As in the days of Noah, few remain who truly seek after God.

In my lifetime of observing Christian homes, I have seen their success in producing godly children diminish from decade to decade. I believe that at present, only ten to twenty percent of the children in the church will retain a believable testimony of salvation when they reach adulthood. Yet I do not mean to be negative and gloomy. I mean to be positive and helpful. I firmly believe that children become spiritual casualties only if their parents do not give enough attention to their proper upbringing. After all, the Bible says,

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Admittedly, parents cannot be absolutely certain of success in child-rearing, for they might not adopt correct methods soon enough, or they might not be consistent enough, or their efforts might otherwise be undermined by human failings. On the basis of this promise in Proverbs, however, I am confident that parents who create the right childhood environment can rear children resistant to apostasy. I will discuss seven measures in particular that are essential to success.

Scripture needs only a few simple words to define a father's responsibility.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

No comparable verse is written to mothers. God respects the chain of command that He Himself ordained. Because the leader within a home is the father, God tells the father how to rear children. In judgment before God, the father, not the mother, will be primarily answerable for the kind of children their home has produced.

Generally as the father goes, so goes the family, especially the boys. It is possible for a mother to rear godly children without a father's support. The outstanding example of a child whose faith was instilled by his mother is Timothy. But Timothy was a rare exception. If only because of the influence that a father wields over his children, a girl must be careful about her choice of a mate. The husband she chooses had better be a sincere Christian if she wants children who will follow the Lord.

A father who wishes to exercise spiritual leadership should examine his own spirituality. What are the real roots of his own profession of faith? Unfortunately, many fathers attend church for poor reasons. Some go to please their wives. Others want to help their business. Others think that a little religion is good for keeping people in line. Yet others are concerned to keep their eternal life insurance paid up. But if a father attends church for any reason other than a heart's devotion to Jesus Christ, he will not succeed in passing Christianity on to his children.

Today, when life outside the church is so appealing, young people will leave the church at first opportunity unless they feel sure that Christianity is true. What determines their view of Christianity? Of primary importance is the testimony of their elders. They must not doubt that the faith animating their elders is genuine. For boys and girls alike, a father's influence may be critical. An older teenager who senses that his father is masquerading as a Christian will probably forsake the church and never return.

A father's Christianity must not only be genuine; it must look genuine. It will not look genuine if there are besetting sins in his life. If you are a father, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I have ungodly habits?
2. Do I have an ungodly mouth?
3. Do I have an ungodly temper?
4. Do I indulge in cynical or skeptical remarks that cast doubt on the accuracy of the Bible, or on the justice of God, or on the sincerity of fellow believers?

If you have fallen into any of these sins, you must, for the sake of your children, eliminate it promptly. Stop making excuses. Stop putting off repentance until tomorrow.

Another proof of genuine faith is zeal for the things of God. Ask yourself some more questions.

1. Do I frequently speak of Jesus Christ as a person I know and love?
2. Do I set an example of the Christian life in such matters as having devotions, witnessing, and taking responsibility in the church?
3. Do I take the lead in urging my children to love and obey God? Within the home, the chief instructor on all spiritual matters should be the father.

Moses admonished the people of Israel,

4 Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord:
5 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

From this passage, we learn that the life of a family should revolve about discussion of spiritual matters. It is therefore important that a family gather at least once a day for devotions. In our family, the traditional time for devotions is 9:00 P.M. After coming together, we spend from ten minutes to an hour in Bible study and prayer.

The reading during devotions need not be confined to Scripture. Simplified Bible stories are good for little children, but even little children should hear at least one verse straight from the Bible itself. Older children may profit from interesting commentaries or devotional books. The best supplement to Bible reading, however, is discussion of the text. As the father leads the discussion, he should supply both interpretation (making the text understandable) and application (making it practical). Faithful teaching of the Bible to his own family might prepare him for a teaching or preaching ministry in the church.

Our devotions in years past had yet another ingredient. After Bible study and before prayer, we opened the floor to discussion of any question that the children wanted to raise. Sometimes the discussion was lighthearted, or even uproarious, but always my wife and I steered it so that we could articulate and emphasize Christian values. If you want your children to think as you do, you had better take time to fill their minds with your thoughts.

We dare not ignore the writer of Hebrews when he says,

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

One startling implication of this verse is that it is possible to see "the day" approaching. From the teaching of the Word of God, we know that the day of Christ's return has nearly arrived. Why does God permit us to see that we live on the verge of Christ's return? He shows us our place in history neither to satisfy our curiosity, nor to promote escapism, nor to divert us from the work of the gospel, but to warn us against the special dangers that beset us.

In the verse quoted above, He tells believers in our day that it is becoming ever more important to meet and exhort one another. Why? Because we are surrounded by much falsehood and deception, even in Christian circles. Our only protection from the snares of corruption and apostasy is the truth, which we find in a good church, among God's people.

Going to church regularly, whenever the doors are open, is essential to the spiritual welfare of your child. Every time you stay home except for a serious illness or dire emergency, you are teaching your child that church does not have priority. When he grows up, he will remember all your excuses for not going to church.

One caution here. Dogged persistence in attending a church where the pastor is a hypocrite is extremely unwise. A child must believe that his spiritual leaders, for all their human foibles, are basically upright and sincere. Yet I have often seen parents close their eyes to serious moral lapses in their pastor. They seem to think that their children will not see these lapses, or will be willing to view them as the privilege of a great man. But a child, especially a young teenager, is very keen-eyed in spotting phonies, and he understands perfectly well that a phony does not belong behind the pulpit. So, if parents constantly drag him to sit under the teaching of a man he distrusts, the child is likely to decide that his own parents are hypocrites too. Else, why are they not scandalized by the hypocrisy of the pastor? Why not indeed? Upon sensing the bad odor of hypocrisy in his church and in his own family, a child may turn in either of two directions that will quickly lead him away from Christ.

1. He may openly rebel. Why should he submit to values and standards handed down by men who do not practice what they preach?
2. He too may become a hypocrite, following the example set for him by his elders. The child's inner drive to become an adult causes him to copy the ways of those about him who are most attractive and successful.